Where Do We Go From Here
by wild-angel82
Summary: Takes place after Marissa and Bianca decide not to see each other for a while. Marissa can't really let it go and decides to confront Bianca once again about helping JR.


Summary: Takes place after Marissa and Bianca decide not to see each other for a while. Marissa can't really let it go and decides to confront Bianca once again about helping JR.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own these amazing characters.

A/N: Honestly, I have no idea how that story got this long. It was supposed to be just a short one-shot, a simple conversation, but when I finally sat down to write it, I kept writing and writing and writing, and this below is what came out, hehe :D I hope you enjoy it!

**Where Do We Go From Here**

As Marissa stood in front of Bianca's door, she really had no idea what she was doing. A few hours ago she and Bianca had agreed to spend some time apart, and even though initially she told Bianca it was a good idea, she felt like she just couldn't stand one more second without properly resolving the whole issue.

When JR first told her Bianca had been helping him, Marissa didn't really make much of it. It even seemed kind of natural that he would go to her best friend for advice. But giving advice and being behind every single thing he had done were two totally different things. It wasn't about Bianca telling him which florist to use or what restaurant was decent, it was Bianca coaching him about every single detail. Every single thing that she thought was bringing her and JR closer together. And it was all a lie. All of it. Everything had been orchestrated by Bianca and Marissa could not comprehend why her best friend would ever do anything like that to her. Why she would ever let her live this huge lie. Why she would help JR make a fool of her yet again.

She sighed angrily as she kept staring at Bianca's door. She had been so desperate to get there and confront Bianca, but now that she was there, she felt like her capacity to convey what she wanted Bianca to hear had slightly diminished. But she needed to understand, and Bianca was the only one who could offer any answers. And Marissa was terrified of this conversation, but she knew it needed to happen.

So she took a couple of deep breaths trying to prepare herself for what was about to come and she rang the doorbell.

When the door opened and Marissa finally saw Bianca's face, something in her simply broke. She became angrier and more devastated at the same and couldn't quite understand what it was that she was feeling. She just knew that things between her and Bianca could not stay the way they were. There were too many things left unsaid for them to go on like this.

"Marissa? What are you doing here?" Bianca was more than surprised to see her friend. "I thought that after our last conversation…"

"I thought so too." Marissa finished, knowing exactly what Bianca was going to say. "But I can't. Not until we finish this. Not until we talk about this."

"What is there to talk about?" Bianca asked, half angrily and half helplessly, not really sure what else she could say to Marissa that would make any difference.

"Lots." Marissa insisted as she walked past Bianca and into her room.

"Sure, come in." Bianca tried to make a joke although she knew that it might not be well received at that particular moment. And she was right, because she soon noticed Marissa looking at her less then amused. Bianca closed the door and for a moment they just looked at each other, neither really knowing where to start. Finally Bianca gathered her thoughts and decided to keep insisting that there was nothing to talk about. "I really don't know why you're here, Marissa. I think we said everything that needed to be said back at Krystal's."

"Is that what you think?" Marissa almost laughed. "That we said everything that needed to be said? Are you kidding me? We barely said two words to each other. And yes, you tried to give me your reasons for doing what you did, but frankly I was too shocked and too angry to even listen to you." Marissa paused for a moment and took a deep breath looking at Bianca intently. "And I need to understand. I need you to explain to me why you felt like you could just manipulate my life like that. Why did you have to bring JR into this? Why couldn't you just do those things yourself?"

"You know why. " Bianca answered almost matter of factly, not sure if Marissa was just playing dumb or she really didn't understand why Bianca hadn't been that open about all the things she had done for her.

"No I don't. I don't know." Marissa insisted, raising her voice more and more with each word she uttered and getting more and more impatient at Bianca's lack of cooperation in this conversation. "I don't understand why you couldn't just…."

"Couldn't just what?" Bianca interjected, not letting Marissa finish her thought. "Shower you with gifts and ask you to go out with me knowing how I felt and knowing how much you wanted to work things out with JR? 'Cause that wouldn't have been awkward at all." Bianca pointed out with resignation and when she looked into Marissa's eyes, she realized that maybe the redhead was finally starting to get it.

"But why JR? Why let him pretend like it came from him?" Marissa asked hopelessly, still trying to grasp the rationale behind Bianca's actions.

"Because you were getting close to him again and I thought he made you happy, so I figured why not make you a little more happy. 'Cause that's all I ever wanted for you. I just want you to be happy." Bianca admitted and for a moment the room was silent again. They looked at each other studying each other's faces and trying to guess what the other one was thinking.

"Even if it meant that you would be miserable?" Marissa asked incredulously.

"Well, there was no reason for both of us to be miserable." Bianca forced a smile. "And you told me you were falling back in love with him."

"No I wasn't." Marissa protested, a little too strongly as far as Bianca was concerned.

"You told me you were."

"No. I was falling in love with the person who knew that my idea of a perfect date would donuts and orange soda on a park bench." Marissa's heart started beating faster and Bianca's skipped a beat at the declaration. "I was falling in love with the person who tracked down a music box with my favorite song, because they remembered one stupid conversation when I mentioned it." Marissa continued, not even realizing that her eyes were getting wet and that her hands were shaking. "So I was falling in love with _that_ person, but it sure as hell was not JR, now was it? The connection that I thought I felt with him, it was you. It was all you. " She finished her monologue almost shouting and it wasn't until she was done that she realized what she had actually said. And that's when it hit her. That's when it all became clear. She was in love with Bianca Montgomery. The whole time she spent with her talking about JR, asking for advice, mulling over whether to give him another chance, she was falling in love with her. Every moment she thought she was reconnecting with JR, she was really connecting with Bianca. And every conversation, every lunch date, every late night phone call had made her fall harder and harder. Every hurdle they had faced together, especially the whole ordeal with Ricky, every step they had taken together made her fall in love. She could see it so clearly now. She was sure that could be no other explanation for what she felt. That's why she got so angry when she found out that Bianca had been helping JR. Because with all the wonderful things coming from JR, she could try and convince herself that she felt something for him and just forget about whatever it was that she felt for Bianca. But now that she knew the truth, it made Bianca even more amazing, and Marissa simply couldn't deny her feelings anymore. Not when she knew that all the wonderful things that meant so much for her had come from the woman who was now standing in front of her.

She looked at Bianca intently, almost terrified at the realization. Why in the world didn't she see that sooner. Then maybe she could have prepared, she could have taken more time coming up with what she wanted to say. But the realization came so fast that it was making her head spin and she had no idea what to do.

"What are you saying?" Bianca asked in a trembling voice, almost scared to try and interpret what Marissa had just said. She was sure Marissa didn't mean it the way it sounded. She couldn't possibly have.

"I'm saying…" Marissa started, but the words were suddenly stuck in her throat. She desperately wanted to say something, to explain how she felt, make Bianca understand why she had freaked out so much, but her head was about to explode from all the emotions that she was feeling and she couldn't form a single coherent thought. So she did the only thing she thought would speak for itself – she took one step closer towards Bianca and crashed her lips onto the brunette's.

And Bianca's world stopped. She knew it could either be a universe playing a cruel, cruel joke on her or a dream. One she was going to wake up from very soon. Really soon.

But she didn't wake up and Marissa's hand was now in her hair and Marissa's body was pressed onto hers, and Bianca just didn't know what to do. But before her mind had a chance to react, her body did, and she was kissing Marissa back, running her hand up Marissa's forearm, tangling her other hand in Marissa's hair and thinking that she couldn't remember anything in her life ever feeling this good.

The taste of Marissa's lips on hers was intoxicating. It was like a drug that she tasted for the very first time and knew she would never be able to live without it. But it was also something she knew she couldn't give into, because it wasn't real. Because Marissa was angry and confused and surely she had no idea what she was doing. So Bianca knew she had to stop.

"Don't." She begged breathing heavily as she slipped away from Marissa's embrace and took a step back. "Please don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Marissa asked, a little confused. "I don't understand… Did I do something wrong? Did you not want this? You told me you had feelings for me…"

"Yes." Bianca agreed, taking one more step back from Marissa, because she was still dangerously close. "And the minute I did, you ran straight to JR's bed, isn't that right?" Marissa was silent for a moment. She was trying to come up with something to say, but seeing the hurt in Bianca's eyes, she just couldn't. "So don't come here kissing me, telling me whatever it is that you're telling me, because I sure as hell don't know what it is that you want from me, Marissa."

"I want you to listen to me." Marissa finally found strength to talk and looked at Bianca meaningfully. And as much as Bianca just wanted to ran, far away from this moment, far away from what she was feeling, seeing Marissa's pleading eyes she just couldn't deny her. "Yes, I did come back home to JR that night, but I need you to understand what happened."

"I swear to God, If you tell me that you were thinking of me the whole time, I'm gonna punch you." Bianca blurted out and Marissa wasn't really sure if she meant it as a joke or not. So she decided to ignore Bianca's comment and try to get through to her again.

"I admit that when you first told me that you were attracted to me, it kind of freaked me out…"

"Kind of?" Bianca pointed out and Marissa smiled with understanding.

"OK, it freaked me out a lot." She admitted. "But not for the reasons you think. At least not entirely for those reasons." Marissa took another deep breath and looked at Bianca, hoping that the brunette was following her train of thoughts, but the expression on Bianca's face said otherwise. So Marissa decided to explain as best as she could. "Before you said anything, I never actually took a moment to think about what I was feeling for you. I always assumed it was just a very close friendship. And it never occurred to me that it could ever be anything else. Anything more. But then you said it and it made me think and I realized that what I felt for you went so far beyond friendship. And it scared the crap out of me. You know, having those kinds of feelings for a woman… I didn't know what to think. So I ran to the only place that could convince me that I was imagining things. And I did the only thing that could convince me that those feelings I was having for you weren't real. That what I really wanted was to have a family with JR and AJ. And I knew it was the wrong thing to do, I knew it as soon as it happened. But I wasn't thinking, I was scared and confused and I wanted my feelings sorted out."

"And did you?" Bianca asked, still terrified to try and interpret everything that Marissa was telling her. Terrified of what it might mean. "Get your feelings sorted out I mean?"

"I did." Marissa simply said, still a little unsure of whether she was getting the message across. "I knew the moment I woke up in JR's bed. Or maybe even before that. I knew that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Not anymore. A few months ago, maybe, but not now, not with what I feel for you. And I can't turn back time, I can't unfeel it. It's done, it's there, and there is nothing anybody can do about it. And I could go on denying, pretending that I'm not feeling what I'm feeling, but what good would it do? It wouldn't be fair to anybody. Not to you, not to me, and certainly not to JR and AJ. I can't keep pretending that I want something that I don't really want."

"And do you even know what you want, Marissa?" Bianca asked somewhat coldly, knowing that this was the last moment she could possibly protect herself before she started believing what Marissa was saying. Before she would let herself fall, not knowing if anyone would catch her. "For months now you've been going back and forth with JR, push and pull, will they or won't they, and then you find out I did some nice things for you and suddenly you're gay? Come on…"

"Who said anything about being gay?" Marissa asked surprised. "I'm not gay…" She said and after she realized how that sounded, she added, "I don't really know what I am…" She admitted looking at Bianca teary-eyed. "Except in love with you." She said, this time making sure Bianca knew exactly what she was saying. And that she understood the implications.

"Please don't…" Bianca asked, trying so hard not to let herself get carried away by what Marissa was admitting.

"And by the way…" Marissa cut Bianca short. "A nice thing is when you bring someone flowers. Or when on your way to a friend's house you ask them if they need anything from the grocery store. What you did… I can't even find the words to describe it."

"I just listened to you, that's all." Bianca simply stated, trying not to make a big deal out of the whole thing.

"You see, you don't even realize you're doing this. You are so amazing without even trying. Because you think that everybody operates the way you do, like it's no big deal. And it is such a huge deal. Do you have any idea how rare that is to tell people things and know that it matters to them. To know that they don't just listen to be polite, but they actually really do care and they remember things and they make you feel like you matter. You do that for me, Bianca. And you're wrong, the things that you did didn't _make_ me fall in love with you, they just made me realize that I was already in love with you. They helped me see everything more clearly."

"You don't…" Bianca tried to interject, in one last desperate attempt to convince Marissa that she was just confused and she had no idea what she was saying. But Marissa wasn't about to let Bianca doubt her, not now.

"The connection that we have…" Marissa saw Bianca once again trying to say something, but she wasn't about to let her interrupt. She needed to get it out before she chickened out. "And please don't you dare deny there is one!" She added almost angry and Bianca indeed didn't dare to say a word. "What we have, the way we connect, it scares the crap out of me. Because I've never felt like that with anyone in my life. It's terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time. And for the longest time I've been keeping those feelings buried, trying to live the life I thought I was supposed to live, but I'm done. I'm done making everybody else happy. And don't get me wrong, I love AJ, I would give my life for him to be happy, but he's never gonna be happy if his mom is miserable. And that's what I would have been if I had stayed with JR. It would have only been for AJ's sake and I deserve better. I deserve to be happy, damn it, and I wanna be happy with you." Marissa stopped for a moment, needing a few seconds to breathe in some oxygen or she was going to fall. "And if you tell me right now that you have no feelings for me, that you don't feel what I feel, that I've been imagining everything, I'm gonna walk away and I'm gonna deal with it. But do you honestly think you can look me in the eye and tell me that you have no feelings for me?" Marissa whispered and looked at Bianca pleadingly. And Bianca knew this was her last way out. The last possible moment she could walk away from this, beg Marissa not to push the issue. Deny ever having feelings for her, deny what she was feeling, protect herself from getting her heart broken yet again. She knew this was her last chance, but she couldn't do it. Because she was looking into Marissa's eyes and she was letting herself believe that maybe Marissa wasn't confused or simply disappointed in JR, that maybe, just maybe, she was actually telling the truth. And if she was, wouldn't it be worth the risk?

"Marissa…" Bianca whispered her name, but before she could form any coherent thought, she felt Marissa's hands on both sides of her face and the noticed the redhead looking at her affectionately. Bianca was trying not to show how much Marissa's touch was affecting her, but she couldn't stop shivering and knew Marissa felt it too.

"Do you trust me?" Marissa asked desperately.

"With my life, you know that." Bianca replied without even taking a second to think.

"Then trust _this_." Marissa was almost begging now. "Trust that the feelings I have for you are real. Please. Because I don't know what else I can say or do." Marissa said with helplessness in her voice, afraid that if Bianca didn't believe her now, she was never going to believe her. "But if you look me in the eye, and you don't see how much I care about you the I guess I have been imagining everything." She said looking down, almost scared to look Bianca in the eye in case she was going to reject her. Because she knew that was it. That was the moment that was going to define the rest of their lives. That was the moment that would decide whether she would ever get the chance to try and make Bianca happy.

"You haven't been imagining things." Bianca finally admitted. She realized it would be ridiculous to deny it now, not after everything she already admitted to Marissa during the trip. Not after everything she did to make sure Marissa was happy. Marissa wasn't stupid, she knew this wasn't just about helping out a friend. Marissa knew there was so much more behind it. And there was. She could not deny it, she could no longer pretend that what she felt for Marissa was just a simple attraction, or a crush. It ran so much deeper than that, it was so much more meaningful, but the idea of trusting what she was feeling was terrifying her. The thought of Marissa reciprocating her feelings made her feel like could jump off a building and fly, but something inside her still kept her from going all in, from letting herself get lost in the moment. "I just…" She tried to say something, to explain, but the words just wouldn't come. And Marissa was just standing there, looking at her intently, stroking her cheek gently, and Bianca just could no longer think. And she could do was feel. Marissa's burning eyes on her, Marissa's hand on her skin, Marissa's hand in her hair, Marissa's shallow breaths just inches from her racing heart… And that's when Bianca fell. That's when she fell and she was falling fast, head down, not knowing what was beneath her. But her lips were on Marissa's again, and her hands were on Marissa's back, and she could feel Marissa's tears on her cheeks, and the world was spinning, and she knew she was losing control, but at the same time she felt like losing control never felt so good. For a moment it didn't matter what that kiss meant, it didn't matter what the future was going to bring, for that particular moment all that mattered was Marissa's arms wrapped around her neck, Marissa's body pressed onto hers, the softness of Marissa's lips and the sensations it was producing.

It was like time stood still and neither of them wanted this moment to end. They wanted to stay in their little bubble and forget that the world included anything beyond what they were experiencing.

When they finally broke apart, both panting and trying to catch their breaths, they knew that whatever happened from now on, this moment, this kiss, had changed their lives forever. That nothing would ever be the same. Nothing could be the same. That they had crossed the line that can never be uncrossed. And they both hoped and prayed it would be a good thing.

Bianca gazed into Marissa's eyes, desperately trying to believe that what Marissa was saying was true. That she wasn't just confused, that she really was feeling what she said she was feeling. And something in Marissa's eyes kept telling her that she could trust what Marissa was saying, that she wouldn't regret it, that she wouldn't end up heartbroken again. Something in Marissa's eyes was telling her, that if she took the leap, if she just let herself feel, she wouldn't be sorry, that she wouldn't end up scraping pieces of her heart off the floor again.

Marissa finally found her voice and looked at Bianca meaningfully. "How can you kiss me like that and still doubt that my feelings for you are real?" She asked, knowing that if that kiss had not convinced Bianca that she was serious about it, maybe nothing ever would.

"I can't." Bianca replied, smiling gently, still flushed from all the emotions that she was feeling. And this was the moment when Marissa knew that Bianca was ready to finally trust her. To trust that what they felt for each other was worth fighting for, regardless of how terrified they both were. But in the long run, it didn't really matter, because they had something special, and at that particular moment they both realized that they were not willing to let that go.

"So where do we go from here?" Marissa asked quietly as she realized she really did not have any idea what she was doing or what all of this meant. All she knew was that she wanted to find out.

"You're asking me?" Bianca laughed and looked at Marissa playfully. "You're the one who barged in here demanding answers and sexually harassing me!"

"So now I'm sexually harassing you?" Marissa feigned indignation and they both laughed. "And I'm serious!" Marissa added after a moment, with a slightly expression on her face. "I have no idea what I'm doing." She sighed and when she saw Bianca's puzzled expression, she continued, "That didn't sound too convincing." She laughed. "What I'm trying to say is that I know what I want now," She ran her hand through Bianca's hair and smiled gently, "I'm just not sure I know what to do to make things right. If that even makes sense." She laughed at her own inability to express what she was feeling. She was a lawyer, for God's sake, she was used to speaking precisely, getting right to the point, getting her message across… Yet somehow when it came to her feelings, especially her feelings for Bianca, she felt absolutely hopeless.

"It does make sense." Bianca agreed looking at Marissa with understanding. "It's kind of what I'm feeling right now too. I have no idea how to go about.. _this…_" Bianca admitted pointing to the space between her and Marissa. "We've been friends for such a long time and then I started having these feelings and I never thought anything could ever come from it… When I told you I was attracted to you, I really just wanted to get it out, because I couldn't stand to take it in any longer. I certainly didn't expect…."

"I'm so glad you told me." Marissa cut her short. "I'm so glad you were brave enough. Because it changed everything. It made me question so many things about us, about our relationship. I almost drove myself crazy analyzing everything, and probably overanalyzing as well. But eventually it led me here." Marissa gently pressed her lips onto Bianca's to steal a chaste kiss. "And there's no place I'd rather be."

A huge smile spread across Bianca's face as sheer happiness started to fill her heart. It was in that moment that she understood all the implications of what Marissa was saying. Marissa was in love with her and she wanted to be with her. And Bianca could see it so clearly in Marissa's eyes now. Whatever doubts she may have had before were now gone. And she knew she was ready to take this chance, she was ready to jump even without any safety nets. Because she knew that Marissa was worth it. It was worth it if at the end of the day they would turn out to be each other's happiness. And more than anything Bianca just wanted to be happy. She wanted happiness for herself and for her daughters and something in her gut and in her heart was telling her that Marissa was the one who could give it to her.

But as much as Bianca wanted to forget the world and get lost in what Marissa was making her feel, the rational part of her personality suddenly woke up and started bothering her.

"What about JR?" She asked looking at Marissa questioningly.

"I'm gonna talk to him." Marissa sighed. "I'm gonna explain. And I'm sorry for him that I led him on, that I didn't realize sooner how I really felt, but he's gonna have to deal with it. He's a big boy and I'm sure he'll be fine."

"And AJ?" Bianca asked again, as if trying to cover all her bases and make sure Marissa understood the repercussions of what she was about to get involved in.

"I am sorry that I can't give him the kind of family that he wants, one with him and JR. And I would do anything for that boy, you know that, but I can't fake being happy with his dad when really I wanna be with someone else. I already told you, I don't think seeing his mother miserable would be any good for him." Marissa explained and looked affectionately at a worried Bianca. "Please stop giving me reasons to question what I'm saying, because no matter what you say to me, I'm not gonna change my mind. JR, AJ and I will work it out, but there's no way I'm gonna walk away from what's happening between us, that's not gonna happen."

"Good." Bianca smiled a little relieved and for a moment they just looked at each other, trying to let the moment sink in. They both knew this was the beginning of something amazing and as terrified as they were, they were looking forward to their future. "And coming back to your question from a while ago," Bianca continued, "How about we start with dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"I mean that's what people do when they… _date_?" Bianca finished, not convinced that she was using the correct vocabulary or if she and Marissa where on the same page. She looked at Marissa with hopeful eyes and was relieved when a smile spread across the redhead's face.

"I can do dinner." Marissa replied, her eyes sparkling, her cheeks flushed.

"Dinner it is then." Bianca nodded her head. "Will tomorrow work?"

"It most definitely will." Marissa answered excitedly.

"8 o'clock?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Any special wishes?"

"Surprise me." Marissa grinned and Bianca couldn't stop thinking how much she adored that smile of hers. And she couldn't believe that this time that smile was all for her.

"I will." Bianca promised and kept looking at Marissa with amazement. She couldn't believe this was happening. It was all a dream she never wanted to wake up from.

"So, call me." Marissa asked as she started making her way towards the door, taking Bianca's hand into hers and making sure she followed. "I need to go and have that conversation with JR. The sooner the better."

"OK." Bianca agreed as she finally let go of Marissa's hand and opened the door for her.

"I am so glad we talked." Marissa smiled as she leaned in for a kiss, which Bianca granted eagerly. The kiss was less passionate than the first two, but still full of emotion and hopes for the future.

"Me too." Bianca answered and finally closed the door behind Marissa. And as she did, she had to pinch herself to make sure everything that had just happened wasn't a dream. But when she touched her lips and could still taste Marissa on them, she knew that it was real. That Marissa indeed was just there and professed her love. Well, maybe not love, but close enough… And Bianca couldn't remember ever feeling this high.

Marissa's heart was racing too. She could not believe that she had a date with Bianca Montgomery. It was the last thing she ever imagined would happen to her, yet she was more sure than ever that she was finally following her heart and that this time the heart wouldn't let her down. She wanted this, she wanted Bianca, and she was not about to let anything stand in the way of that. So even if she had to fight her own demons, she was going to fight to make sure her and Bianca have a chance to find out where this path together would led them to.

THE END


End file.
